This might be scary, particularly if the environment you are in is hostile or lonely, but the only way to be okay with leaving what you have, is to fully experience how broken it is. To do this, fully experience the relationship as it is, without needing to change it or control it. It’s always there, but you have to be in the present to access it. The pull to live in the past (the way it was/ the way I was) or in the future (it will get better – I just need to find the switch) can be spectacular, but the energy to move forward exists fully in the present. With a shift in mindset, experience and expectation, the resources you use to stay and to blind out the seething hopelessness of it all can be used to propel you forward. It often takes as much resourcefulness, energy and strength to stay in a bad relationship as it does to leave. The shift from powerless to empowered is a gentle one, but lies in the way you experience the relationship. Leaving a bad one isn’t necessarily any easier. What to do when leaving feels as bad as staying.
You have tried ending the relationship before, but the pain of being on your own always brings you back. There are important needs in you that are so hungry (intimacy, connection, friendship, love, security, respect), and you know in this relationship they’ll stay that way. You want more for yourself, but you stay. Some of the signs that you might be addicted to the relationship are: Sometimes though, there’s nothing in your way except you. Sometimes there are circumstances that make leaving difficult. It is maintained, not through love and connection, but through habit. It doesn’t thrive and it doesn’t nurture. The relationship exists but that’s all it does, and sometimes barely even that. Whatever it involves, there are important needs that stay hungry, for one of both people in the relationship. The signs might lie in the loneliness, a gentle but constant heartache, a lack of security, connection or intimacy or the distance between you both. Perhaps it did once but that ended long ago. Sometimes there is nothing outstandingly obvious – it just doesn’t feel right. Sometimes the signs are clear – emotional and physical abuse, constant criticism, lying, cheating, emotional starvation. It is one that consistently steals your joy and follows you around with that undeniable clamour that this isn’t how it’s meant to be. When relationships become loveless, hostile, stingy or dangerous, you would think they would be easy to leave, but they can be the hardest ones to walk away from.Ī bad relationship isn’t about being on the downward slide of the usual relationship ups and downs. 
So is the hope of love. All relationships can be likened to an addiction, but sometimes the power of this can be self-destructive. When it’s a toxic relationship, the breakage can be far-reaching. People need people, but sometimes the cost is a heavy one. We fall in love, we commit, we get hurt – over and over – and we stay. Sadly, we humans tend to be a bit more human than that. If life ran like a storybook, the person we fall in love would not be the person who broke us.
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